is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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