bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Who died my cat blue again?
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
