He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Randomize
