I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
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