Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
