HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
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