I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
i need some magic done to my vagina
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
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