He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
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