I must be too annoying 4 u.
I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
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