did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Randomize