He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
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