dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
What a dumb baby whore.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
