it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
