He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
