Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
