I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Randomize
