i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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