I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
