mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Randomize