Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
