You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Randomize
