if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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