I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
