So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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