I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
