hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
there is puke in my bra ... again
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
