i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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