I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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