Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
