Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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