You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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