You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
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