Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
