A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Randomize