Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
