I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Randomize
