I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
