Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
