i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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