I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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