Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
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