just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
