who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
