Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Quick, to the slutcave!
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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