guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
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