Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
