atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
