glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
