i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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