She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
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