By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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