that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
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