Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
MIDGETS
????
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
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