No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
