batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Randomize
