I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Randomize
