Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
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