so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
