Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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