I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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