apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
