therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
