Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
We have so much sex to catch up on
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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