Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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