Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
